You know that bit on facebook where some middle-class kid puts: "Atticus is currently chilled out" well here in grotty old Wigan "Joe Hawkins is seriously pissed-off"
And here are 21 reasons why
1. No money
2. No woman
3. No cry
4. The continual raincloud that hangs over Wigan 364 days of the year
5. Wigan - get me out of this place!
6. This place of scrotes in shorts and black socks and
7. 15-year-olds pushing prams
8. Bad pies. even dependables such as Greenhalghs are off-form at the moment
9. Writer's block
10. Big Brother 9 - not watched it, mind... But it's bound to be shite
11. Jeremy Kyle
12. Rugby League fans - and how many fatties were in the crowd at the JJB on Friday?
13. 22,000 according to Sky!!! Keep the propaganda going folks
14. Football rumours - not arsed as we'll spend nowt so who cares?
15. People that spend all day on mesageboards talking about said rumours
16. Federer losing the tennis in a great match. Shame about Nike v Nike - oh for Fila v Sergio or Ellesse v Cerutti
17. The Williams sisters
18. Midsomer Murders - how bad was it last night? As bad as everything else on British TV at the moment
19. Ronaldo - will he go or stay? Does anybody really give a toss?
20. Credit Crunch hits WN5 - ASDA smart price milk chocolate digestives up 11p to 37p. Scandalous. It's Bourbons from now on
21. Mid-life crisis number 23
The only thing keeping my head abov water are The Grants The most beautiful sounding-band to come out of Fazackerley ever...
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