PREVIOUSLY ON THE PREMIERSOAP

So Bruce is linked to Newcastle. More worrying is the fact that he was in Ampesand club with those two idiots: The Dudley Dunce, Big Fat Sam and Drunken Duncan Bryan Robson.

Drinking lager and champagne by all accounts, Big Sam not looking arsed that he had lost job. Why should he? It's rumoured that he got a £6m pay-off.

Down the East lancs the fat Spanish waiter is quite simply knackered . Banners will be unfurled and protests organised but by speaking to the German hippy, Klansman (sic), the Yanks have nailed their colours to the mast. Rafa is a a dead man walking whatever they may say.

Not that the situation is unique. It happens all the time in work. I remember one particluar horrendous job I had when I knew they were looking to get shut of me and I couldn't wait. One day there was some girl sat in reception and as the lazy receptionist was nowhere to be seen I asked if I could help. She simply said she was here for the credit control job. My job. Fantastic stuff as I marched into the fat cow of a boss's office and said: "There's a girl in reception waiting for an interview for my job" and walked out.

Panic on the face of the lunatic boss. Oh how I milked the situation and as well as having the ejeeit in tears, negotiated myself a nice pay-off after threatening to go to the usual citizen's advice/union etc.

That's what Benitez should do. Just screw the fuckers. A bit like Sam has done and then go for lager and champagne with the professional Liverpool drunks down at Baby Blue. Sod 'em!

But back to Wigan Athletic and Big fat Sam's drunken ramblings that Bruce is the man for the Newcastle job. If there was a grain of truth in it - would he go? Of course he would. He's part of that ridiculous Geordie nation and all that bollocks. He's also got previous - a lot of previous on such matters.

I hope it's all bollocks as I'm quite warming to the big fat get. He's instilled some spirit in the side, got us playing and battling and is ten times the manager that Jewell was/is. He conducts himself well, is self-deprecating has a good backroom squad and hasn't yet called us a set of fucking tossers.

His success has also seemingly shut Father Jack. That will never last and if he does become the ninth or tenth or eleventh (whatever) Premier league manager to change jobs this season it might just see our chairman explode.

ps Has anybody seen Doris?